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Sunday, April 27th, 2003
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11:16 pm
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i wonder if anyone checks back here anymore.
i haven't for some time now.
whenever i check back on old journals and such, i always think about *what's changed.*
so how have i changed ... i have been taking care of my nails more. filing and shaping them. even a full manicure sometimes. i got my hair cut short. then decided i was unhappy with the way it looked, so i took the initiative to cut my own hair. one disastrous mistake followed by another.
looking at getting promoted over the next 3 months or so. although nothing is certain, so it may take longer that presently anticipated. in the real world, there are so many external factors that can determine what happens to you. it's kind of scary. so much that can shape your professional development. but that's boring so i won't go into that.
i recently rediscovered how much i love reading more than one book at a time. right now, it's toni morrison's the bluest eye, kurt vonnegut's bluebeard, and the bible.
i should have done laundry tonight. i'm going to try to do it early in the morning before work. gotta love these 24 hour laundry superstores. i actually love doing laundry. the smell is comforting. and i love listening to all the machines, while reading or journaling or whatever. or even just watching the clothes roll around in the machines.
i don't think i'm easily amused (that phrase makes me feel like an airhead) but i think i find pleasure in certain simplicities.
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| Saturday, September 21st, 2002
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8:47 am
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i know i've been away for some time.
i've decided to make my entries a bit more private.
they'll probably be more interesting too.
it's been a weird past few months.
anyway if you'd like to continue reading, leave me a note. let me know to add you as a friend.
thanks for dropping by.
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| Tuesday, July 23rd, 2002
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2:16 am - thoughts keeping me up
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korea was amazing.
i've included teaching english in seoul in my current job search.
i can't wait to go back. i hope i get a chance to before i go to grad school. so i've been trying to plan out the next two years of my life before i head back to school. and alternatives to the original plan. we shall see.
the past few days have been kind of hectic.
since i've been back, i've been running errands, studying for gre's (less than one month), looking for jobs, and spending time catching up with people. and of course i watched bjd once.
yesterday was my brother's birthday. he turned 18. i cooked dinner for him and his friends. they're so cute.
i've been doing some thinking about a lot of things since the korea trip - about family, love, culture, language, standards of beauty, societal pressures, gender roles, and such.
it would be too long to write about it all. so i won't.
i don't think i'd be coherent anyway. i keep sleeping funny hours. going to bed late. i keep waking up at five in the morning. and then i'd stay up. naps here and there.
also a friend of mine is going through a lot right now. it seems like one of the most difficult things anyone our age would have to undergo. but through it all, i've been amazed and humbled at how gracefully he is handling the situation. he's really demonstrated strength and maturity beyond his years. the past two weeks, in korea and with B, i've had these glimpses of the hand of God working in different ways. i'm grateful that B has been taking the time to share with me.
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| Tuesday, July 16th, 2002
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10:54 pm - oog
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at my cousin's house.
i think we've stayed over at five different houses in the past nine days.
everyone wants us to spend time with them. there are so many of them.
today was another big shopping day.
i'm so so tired.
my eyes are going to fall out of my head.
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11:31 am
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update on the crazy pc bang men.
one guy has been here for over eight hours -- since three in the morning!!
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11:09 am - frolicking in bamboo shoots and rice fields
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well not really, but they're all over the place and really pretty.
anyway. this is my first pc bang experience since i got here.
it's interesting. there are grown men sitting and smoking in front of these computers playing games in the middle of the day.
i went shopping with my aunt last night and i bought so many clothes. i hate shopping, but we did good. i think i have something like six new outfits. i'm wearing one of them right now. we spent hundreds of dollars. i'm so done.
tomorrow, from what i understand, we are going to visit the town where my mother and her siblings grew up.
my korean isn't bad at all. but i don't understand vocabulary that we don't use regularly (like "poetry book shop" - more on that later) and i can't follow when they talk about different cities and neighborhoods in korea. so all i know is that we are going SOMEWHERE tomorrow. somewhere FAR. our whole extended family on my mother's side. i'll write more on this after i get back from THERE.
so the poetry book shop. in busan, one day, my cousin told me he was going to a "poetry book shop" (in korean). i didn't know what that meant and didn't want to let on that i didn't understand him. so i asked him why he was going. he said to buy "poetry books". and i said oh. then he went over to ask my parents if he and i could go. which was when i understood that he was taking me to this "poetry book shop" to buy ME "poetry books" and it all fell into place.
that was a really stupid moment for me, but i thought it would be nice to share.
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| Sunday, July 14th, 2002
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8:17 pm - i want to be a korean man
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it's monsoon season right now. it's been pouring on and off all day today.
i love the rain, especially when it pours ... so the weather makes me happy.
the food is still wonderful.
i'm eating more than i should and not exercising at all. i'm loving this slothful lifestyle.
though i'm still not completely used to this time zone, i still wake up at all hours of the night. my body is very confused right now.
so all of my uncles are sitting around drinking soju and beer while the women keep the food and alcohol coming.
they are all turning red because they are asian.
it must be a great life.
well now the women have started drinking. they even offered me beer.
i would love to get stupid drunk right now.
though i feel that may be totally inappropriate, especially with my grandmother present.
all of my cousins on my mother's side are so incredibly boring and i want to die.
my brother has left to go to a pc bang and i should have gone with him.
at least my uncles and aunts are entertaining.
i'm still loving being in korea despite the low points (which would be now).
i'm thinking of coming to teach english here.
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| Friday, July 12th, 2002
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5:28 pm - busan -> seoul
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yesterday was our last full day in busan. pusan? anyway, i had a great time there. my grandfather is 90 years old next year and is still healthy as a horse. he is amazing. my cousins were a lot of fun and all the adults kept feeding us.
we are a loving family, but it's hard to tell because we aren't so emotional and we don't hug. (J understands.) so what we do is shake hands, hold each other's arms really quickly, sneak money into each other's belongings, buy/cook lots and lots of food and insist that you eat it all, try to pay for the aforementioned meal, and try to give each other presents.
the presents deal is not as easy as it sounds.
it starts with the unveiling.
- this is for you.
- no, no i couldn't take it.
- no, we have one at home and it's great.
- oh but we don't need it.
- but we brought it all the way from america.
- you're too generous. let me buy you dinner.
the giving of presents and money becomes an ongoing battle. it eventually trickled down to the youngest ones (me and my brother) so it worked out fabulously.
the cousin i mentioned earlier - the one i was close to while growing up - he and i got a lot closer in the past week. one night we stayed up until 3:30 just talking. it's special because with most people he's really quiet, but he always seems to open up to me. last night i wrote him an email - my first email in korean. it took me nearly an hour to write twenty-some sentences. it's good though. now i have an incentive to get better.
now we're in seoul, presently with my mother's family. everyone gets excited when we go visit them so that's fun. i feel like a bit of a celebrity everywhere.
and it's weird how at-home i feel here. it's foreign but it still feels right.
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| Tuesday, July 9th, 2002
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11:20 pm - baby i'm back
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the past couple of days have been really overwhelming.
my family keeps getting bigger. there's always cousins getting married and having children. i think my grandfather has fourteen great-grandchildren now. i can't do the math at the moment.
everyone keeps calling the baby girls "eunjoo" because they all took care of me in my infancy and early childhood. it's funny and endearing.
our cousins keep wanting to take me and my brother out, but we keep falling asleep. last night i fell asleep at eight and the night before, my brother did the same.
i am covered in mosquito bites. yuck. they're all from last night.
we went to my grandmother's grave today. i started a poem about it last night. it seems i made up some details about the grave but i think i may just keep them there. anyway, it's always somewhat emotional for me to visit there because i was really close to her before i left for the states. i was her last grandbaby she helped raise, and one of her favorites besides. she's always held a special place in my heart. at her deathbed, she asked for me.
my relatives have been feeding us like crazy. i probably already gained back the four pounds i painstakingly lost over the past month and a half. but i think it's worth it.
it's weird trying to reconnect with people that i last saw three years ago. there's one cousin who's only fourteen months older than me. he was my best friend before i left korea. i haven't seen him in six years because he was serving in the army during our last visit. we've both changed a lot since. the language barrier is a bit of a problem sometimes, and it's pretty awkward right now. but i'm enjoying getting to know him again. it's strange to hear so many stories about the two of us when we were kids.
anyway, i am loving it here. i don't want to leave and i can't wait to come back. i am definitely thinking of ways to spend at least a year in korea in the semi distant future.
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| Monday, July 8th, 2002
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4:53 am - jet lag
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| Friday, July 5th, 2002
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9:02 am - morning sunshine
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just woke up.
i still haven't packed yet.
there are tornadoes off the coast of korea?
so we're not sure where we will land.
our relatives have been calling all morning.
i'm so confused.
i'm just gonna go eat.
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| Thursday, July 4th, 2002
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1:19 pm - still haven't started packing yet ...
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i thought of that conversation because R just called to tell me to have fun in korea. i told her that the other night, while i was half conscious and falling asleep, i imagined that i could be discovered to be the new korean american star. then i wouldn't have to look for a job! and i'd have exciting stories to tell. and i'm pretty broke so any money i'd get from that would also be great. so R, being the good friend that she is, told me different ways increase my chances of becoming discovered and how to look like a star already.
she also suggested that i look for a figure skating partner so i can start training for the 2006 olympics. (long extended story)
so i will be quite busy visiting with family, doing the tourist thing, shopping, taking pictures, trying to get discovered, and looking for potential skating partner candidates. dae han min guk here i come!
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12:43 pm - spring break 2002 part 2
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the following bits of conversation took place between me and R on the plane to the dominican republic, this past march break. i was sitting next to an awful past middle age couple, and couldn't talk about them out loud so we started writing notes to each other.
this was our seating arrangement:
(strange woman) (strange man) (me) /AISLE/ (R) (nice man) (nice woman)
E: MY PERSONAL SPACE! WHAT DOES HE NOT UNDERSTAND? People think just because I'm small that I don't need as much space as they do, but I PAID JUST AS MUCH for my plane ticket as he did!
R: I have to pee. There are many beverage carts standing in the way of my goal ... I think you should just elbow him ... I am ashamed and proud to say that I have done that...
E: He leaned over on the other side just now and I realized that was my chance! I claimed a small space on the armrest we are "sharing" and he's moved over. The woman had her legs all up and knees everywhere. It was crazy! Who are these people!
R: My rowmates are quite respectful. Maybe next time we should sit the other way. I think that it was unfair that we were asked such a hard question so early without the aid of a diagram. When you are writing, my mind thinks "I should put the pen away" and I will almost put the pen away. My short term memory is gone. Hold your ground!
E: I know! I can't turn or shift or move. Much less, leave the seat! I'm glad you have nice rowmates. They seem contained. Is this all the food we're getting? If so, I'm sleeping for the rest of the flight. I can't deal with this. Do i have to pee? Can't think about it! Need to maintain elbow position on armrest!
R: Did you see me try to take your pen? Issues! I know, I want to sleep, but am very committed to eating lunch. I wish there was a movie. I bet we will get lunch around the midway point. I hope it is good. Delta gives au bon paine, but this is obviously not Delta. There is going to be a mad bathroom dash where this beverage thing is over. This is not good news. I want lunch now, do you think there will be cookies?
E: I WANT COOKIES! Maybe you should get in the bathroom line. I wish we had real IM. Did you hear that lady talk? The one in front of you - denim on denim. She was telling this story about how she tried on this demin corset top that was so tight, she couldn't get it back off. Where she finally did, she was sweating. Okay, number one, she is too old to try that? No more corsets for you! Two, what is it with denim. Everybody on this plane is crazy.
R: She is a past her prime barbie doll. Her and her friends. Your rowmate lady has better have a severe medical condition. My neighbor and I just laughed at her. I love laughing at strangers with other strangers! There is entirely too much denim, you are right. I saw corset lady reading an In Style article with pictures of denim now that I think about it. Your rowmate lady obviously needs to be committed. She reminds me of crazy TV, I mean TA. I am sleepy!
E: This man has no understanding of personal space. Neither does she. Now I am sandwiched (between them, as he was sitting next to me, and she was standing wedged between me and the beverage cart which was on the other side of HER.) I realize they may be able to read this but this is insane. This is the worst flight ever. Since you're gone, I'll keep writing. They do serve wine, but unfortunately for me, it is not free. They are talking over me. And I smell her. I hate this. I can't even see you. help me! help! help! How was the bathroom?
R: Really really small. I laughed out loud and I think she thought I was crazy. It's My Best Friend's Wedding! Fabulous. I smell potatoes. We get Twix. I am excited. I want to find head phones so I can watch the movie. =) I am irrationally excited about this, it must be TV withdrawal. I wonder what the main food is, I cannot tell! EW! What is that vegetable?!
E: I need to find my headphones. Crazy rowmate woman climbed over me! While you were writing, you missed this whole episode I will tell you later. I'm not eating the vegetables. Excited about the Twix.
R: He has his hand up her shirt, aren't they too old for this?
E: UGH I hate them! Did you see how she climbed over me to get to her seat! CRAZY! Everyone is crazy. Even Julia Roberts.
R: I have a new fear. It is not just ugly old people. It is ugly old people trying to meet other ugly old people ... don't they know they are too old for spring break?
E: That is a very valid fear. Given the evidence of old people thinking they are allowed to touch each other in public and wearing hot pink thongs. Suddenly I am having very different feelings toward Spring Break 2002 Part 2.
R: Just remember, the college kids are already there? The college kids are already there! Alcohol is going to be our best friend.
and so it was. yay for spring break!
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| Wednesday, July 3rd, 2002
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9:02 am - yay for texas sized daiquiris
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yesterday, i discovered that they make vanilla coke slurpees!
which goes so well with bridget jones' diary, and studying for gre's in an air conditioned environment - which makes for a happy and productive me.
so i registered for the gre's. i'll be taking them on the 17th of august, so now my studying schedule is back in sync with my one and only study buddy!
it makes the most sense to take it then because the following weekend we will be celebrating ... us. :)
i met some friends for dinner and drinks. it was good to see everyone again! and i was loving the food and huge drinks. (K has the incriminating photos.)
conversation excerpt:
J: yeah, part time.
T: part thai?
J: part thai? no.
T: pad thai?
J: what? no!
E: i'm hungry.
i've missed my girls.
also talked to a couple of people yesterday that i had lost touch with somewhat. but you know those friends that you don't see for a while but whenever you do, you just pick right back up where you left off?
yeah.
that's always really nice.
i'm still having weird dreams. maybe i'll write more about them later.
so it's two days before i leave for korea and i still haven't thought about packing.
it's too hot. my brain has melted into a puddle of mush.
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| Tuesday, July 2nd, 2002
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8:32 am - random thoughts
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i've noticed that the volume of my dad's phone voice increases in direct proportion to the physical distance separating him and the party on the other end of the line. for instance, this morning, i woke up to my dad almost screaming, as he was calling relatives in korea.
i had an interview yesterday with score! the test prep and after school/summer school program. i'd be really happy working for them. the pay is good, the benefits are good, the hours are weird. but i would get to talk about how i'm going to score! all the time.
i'm really tired. i haven't been sleeping well. lots of dreams too. i have a lot of recurring dreams lasting over periods of years. when i was in elementary school, i was bothered by nightmares and a little sleepwalking for a couple of years. same kind of dreams over and over again, but i don't remember exactly what they were about anymore. also for about the past five years i was haunted by memories of things that had happened in the past.
anyway, last week a couple of things, relating to those dreams, that i thought i had lost years ago, fell back into my hands.
i'm not sure if it means anything, as i don't believe in fate, serendipity, or whatever. it was just a nice little surprise.
so i'm leaving for korea this week! it hasn't hit me yet. i haven't even thought about packing. i probably won't until the day before. i have, however, made a list of things to buy when i get there. at the top of my list - ahn jung hwan posters for J and T. so when J and i move into our NEW APARTMENT, we can both revel in his beauty. and so T can tell her new thailand friends that he is her boyfriend.
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| Sunday, June 30th, 2002
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10:03 am - i woke up to a pedicure
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my mom - who is crazy - decided to give me a pedicure before she left for church today. i was, however, still sleeping. she's slightly embarrassed of me, i think. regarding the weight issue (which isn't as much of an issue for anyone else but her) and my clothes (relating to the weight issue) and little things like that i don't paint my toes when i wear sandals.
so she painted my toes this pink color. but when i told her what i was wearing to church, she quickly took it off to put on a more appropriate color that would match my clothes. that was the first conscious ten minutes of my morning.
this past week was great. i loved that i got to see a lot of my friends. it involved lots of ice cream, movies, eating, playing spades, and drinking every night. not heavily, but enough to keep me happy.
i saw G off at the airport the day we were coming home. he'll be gone for six weeks in china to teach english. i'm happy and excited for him. but i will miss his company.
i have applied to many many jobs and have one interview tomorrow. i'll continue with the job search. i've also started studying for the gre's. and this friday, i will be leaving for korea, which i'm very excited about. preparations are getting more difficult. my parents are arguing about what presents to get for which families. i have eight aunts and uncles who are each married. and on my dad's side, nine of my cousins are married and eight of them have children. it is going to be a huge kim reunion.
we have already spent hundreds of dollars buying gifts. so packing is getting a little out of control. this week will be a little stressful, but once we're there it's going to be lots of fun.
and for those of you i've that i was trying to lose a little weight for korea - i have lost two pounds, which brings the grand total to 109.5 lbs. when i am in korea i'm probably going to get my hair cut and buy lots of clothes, so i will come back looking fabulously trendy.
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| Saturday, June 22nd, 2002
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11:17 pm - i got me a red devils t shirt!
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last night i met up with J and T for dinner.
it was a fabulous night of korean food, haagen daaz, bjd, and lots of world cup fun.
we went to a korean restaurant to watch the game. it was already crowded - full of crazy fans with painted faces, wearing red shirts, and waving korean flags. and this was an hour and a half before the game was scheduled to start at 2:30 am Eastern Standard Time.
i think my friends were a little overwhelmed by it all. it was J's first time in flushing, after all.
i taught them the korean cheer, which came in handy, as the crowded started cheering and clapping pretty much as soon as we got there, lots while the players came out on the field, during the game, while we had possession, while the other team looked as if they would score, while we looked as if we could score, and especially when we won!!
it was a tense game as the score stayed 0-0 through all 120 minutes of play time. so after the penalty kicks, when we WON, the entire restaurant went crazy. we went outside and people were honking, screaming, cheering, and just really really happy overall. despite it being five in the morning.
it would have been fun to stay and celebrate but we had to leave to come up to visit friends in boston and the surrounding area.
so here i am, back in waltham, hanging out with some school friends. we saw the worst movie in the world - "how high."
we're waiting for our friend to get off work and then we'll probably go to a bar.
it's felt like one long day since i woke up yesterday morning. my eating/sleeping/playing is all erratic and my body is confused.
but my friends have been introduced to jja jhang myun, have a newfound appreciation for football, and love ahn jung hwan. (T: "marry me!)
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| Friday, June 21st, 2002
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9:17 am - monkey see, monkey do
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yesterday afternoon, someone came by and rang our doorbell. not the buzzer downstairs, but someone was standing right outside the door of our apartment. my mom wasn't expecting anyone so she assumed it was a crazy person or someone just as uninvited. so she told me to be real quiet and we stayed in the kitchen until they left. after a minute, though, they did seem crazy, ringing the doorbell repeatedly, knocking, and trying the knob. when the noise stopped, we looked through the peephole and we didn't recognize the fuzzy back of them walking down the hallway so we assumed we did the right thing.
later in the evening, our doorbell rang again. this time, it was just me and my brother who were home. so i said, "don't worry. this is what umma did earlier." him, "what?" me, "absolutely nothing. just be quiet." so we sat and continued to watch tv but the person at the door wouldn't go away and kept urgently trying the door. finally i decided to look out the peephole and it was my mom. she had done a lot of food shopping and didn't want to get her keys out. funny.
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| Tuesday, June 18th, 2002
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1:01 pm - crazy koreans on the loose
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so i took a short walk with my brother to pick up something for my mom. in the 30 or so minutes we were out, we saw at least five different cars, honking, filled with loud excited koreans waving red flags, korean flags, red shirts, chanting and cheering. those in cars were joined by other drivers who'd cheer and honk back and others in red shirts on the streets. even an elderly white bus driver, driving the Q28 or something, got into the spirit of things and started honking in time with the korean cheer we've been hearing for the past few weeks. i think we saw one car twice, going up and down northern blvd in opposite directions every so often.
i can only imagine it's even crazier in korea right now. and me - i'm having a celebratory bi bi bik.
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10:33 am - world cup
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so my brother and i went to this korean restaurant to watch the korea v. italy world cup game. it was packed. there was a huge projection screen set up in their ballroom and a wide screen tv outside in a lounge area. we went into the ballroom first, and stood in the back. it was crazy. when the camera panned the crowd in the stadium, it looked like a sea of red. from where we were standing, it looked like it just continued into the room. everyone was wearing red and screaming in sync with the crowd on the tv. there were some who painted their faces with red and blue stripes. one kid dressed all in red and painted his entire face red too. another man who was also dressed in red had a really red face but unfortunately i think that was his natural color.
there were all kinds of people. the hard core fans with the drums and gongs and screaming. the old men who smelled of stale cigarettes who would have been in a bar if it wasn't 730 in the morning. the asianophile with his korean girlfriend. fobs of all ages. it was amazing.
but after like ten minutes, my brother, the wuss decided to go home. so i stayed on and i'm glad i did. koreans looooove their football. and now i do too. so we're in the quarterfinals and we'll be playing spain on saturday morning.
forget piano and violin. i want my perfect asian children to be football prodigies.
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eunjoo's journal